


I Can't Help But Fall in Love!

by anteaque



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Boys' Love, Crack, Hurt, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Romance, The Author Regrets Nothing, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-02-15 09:41:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2224308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anteaque/pseuds/anteaque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tired of being called a prude, Roderich wants to get revenge on his ex-boyfriend, Ludwig. How will he do it? He asks 3 Casanovas of World Academy, to help him get his ex crawling back to him. But along the way, he realized he starts falling for one of them. Will Roderich fall for any of the Casanovas? Or is he still desperate to have Ludwig back into his life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kissing Lesson 1

I'm tired of being called a prude.

I'm tired of not having a decent boyfriend.

Yes, call me gay, but does it look like I care?

Apparently not.

 

All I want, is a lesson.

A lesson on how to love.

But for some reason, my body isn't open to the idea. Neither is my heart.

But with a little help, will everything change?

Will that one, simple kiss change my entire life?

 

~*~*~*~*~

Roderich

Okay, world history. So not my thing. If I'd let this pesky teacher keep on babbling for another hour, I'd risk my life just to jump off the talles building here in Los Angeles. Someone save me! It feels like I've been stuck in this class forever... ugh.

I glanced at my wristwatch. Just a few more freaking minutes, and I'd be free already. I'd be meeting my boyfriend, and soon, everything will be okay again. At the thought of my boyfriend, I started wondering what he saw in me. I'm one of the nerdiest people in the school, and he's like, the student council president, leader of the football team, and president of the newspaper club, and a bunch of other roles you don't even want to bother knowing. I think I was just lucky. 

Or there was something good I did in my life, and he was the reward I was waiting for. To be honest, I can be prissy sometimes. I am an aristocrat afterall. I had amethyst eyes, and somewhat wavy dark brown hair. I am standing at 5'9'', definitely skinny, and fair-skinned. I am Austrian afterall. 

He sure was one of the most attractive guys at school. Ludwig always had his blonde hair slipped back, always making sure no strand of hair was sticking out. And his eyes, they were truly irresistible. Just one look into them, you'll get lost. He didn't usually smile though, that's turn-off. But when he did, he would be extremely adorable. Also, we were like polar opposites; No wonder we'd even gotten together.

Must be my wit and intelligence. Also the fact that I could play almost any musical instrument there is, could be an attribute. I was quite plain, until I wore my glasses. They make me look less plain. that was probably it. Might be because I was one of the top students. But I never got the top spot, though. It would always be that Eduard von Bock guy.... what ever his name was.

Other useless thoughts ran into my mind until someone pinched me on the cheek. I was about to give the idiot a piece of my mind, but then I realized it was actually my best friend, Elizaveta. 

"Earth to Roderich, earth to Roderich!" she whispered, trying to not get the attention of our annoying teacher. "What the heck is wrong with you? You're spacing out again! Don't tell me you're thinking of Ludwig again, aren't you?"

"N-no I wasn't! I was just thinking about music, that's all...: Ouch, okay she's right. I've been spacing out lately like this ever since Ludwig became my boyfriend. "Because," she whispered, "if I didn't do that, you might have wandered of to Neverland already! Mind you, we're still in class!"

"What?" Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

She stared me down, sighed, and shook her head. "You know, just forget we ever talked."

"Well, I'm sorry if I wasn't paying attention! I was just thinking about my boyfriend!" Oh shoot. I really, really regret saying that now. God I hate myself. Someone really shoot me now please.

Elizaveta shrugged. "You'd better watch it, Roderich. Don't even make him notice you're really clingy to him."

"Whatever. I think you're just jealous because my boyfriend is the most popular student in the campus."

Whatever Elizaveta was going to tell me next was interrupted. The bell rang, and I was out of my seat even before lighting stuck the ground. Or even before she could blink, there, that's better. I scanned the hallway for Ludwig, and I found him a few moments later, coming out from the student council room, sighing, his backpack slinging on his left shoulder.

"Hi, Ludwig." I said, in my usual voice. Well, my usual voice sounds like it's on the verge of humming and singing. Well, I am a musician after all. That was to be expected. "I missed you."

Ludwig winced a bit, and asked "Missed me? Why would you miss me when we were together a couple hours ago?" I pouted, nonetheless. It was my personality afterall. I pecked him on the cheek, and started leading him towards the cafeteria. And if it were my imagination, I thought I saw him wipe his cheek. Maybe it was just a trick of the light. Can't do anything about that, can we?

We ate lunch together at the cafeteria, and also hung out a little. We talked about random things, and it ended up with the two of us arguing if this musician is either Austrian or German. But along the way I noticed he got a little bored with me. It's not really his personality. Goodness. I decided to stop talking altoghter and waited. He wasn't talking either. Weird.

After a few moments of silence, he stood up, and eventually I did to, and we were already heading towards the exit. "Let's go," he said. "I'll be taking you home."

"Already?" I asked, pouting.

"Yeah." he said, casually. God, what's wrong with him today? I shrugged, slinging my backpack on my shoulder, and followed him to his car. The drive back to my apartment was arduous, and even weirder actually. He was too lost in his own thoughts, and I was just there in my seat, being serene and all. When we stopped infront of my apartment, he switched the engine off, and turned to me, with a really serious look on his face-- his trademark look. He leaned closer... closer... and even closer until our lips were just a few centimeters apart.

"L-ludwig...? Y-you're too close..." I hissed under my own breath. My breathing pattern was starting to become uneven. And I was claustrophobic. God, help me here!

"Why? Don't you like it when I'm being this close with you? You are my boyfriend, right?" he said, his tone somewhat seductive.

"So? What's the connection?" I reprimanded.

"So I can kiss you, right?" he said teasingly.

"What--"

Without any warning, Ludwig closed the gap between our lips. I'll be honest, I was taken in by surprise there. I let out a small gasp, and once our lips were apart, my breathing somewhat became normal again. His kiss was hard, and his lips... they were insistent. Whoever said kissing someone was nice really is a dummkopf. This isn't fun at all, verdammt!

"Wow," he said as soon as he regained his breath. "You're a terrible kisser."

Inside of me was half angry and the other half... I have no idea at all. Most likely violated, though. I closed my eyes and thought on how to explain to him why I was a terrible kisser. "I-it was my first kiss, you dummkopf." I said, adjusting mt glasses as my cheeks flushed different shades of red.

"Figures," he muttered. He switched the engine back on, and gestured me to the door. I grimaced, and pecked him on the cheek again, this time, he tried to avoid it. Okay, that was mean. Really mean. Gott. I sighed heavily, opened the car door, and got our of his car, walked into the lobby of the apartment. As soon as I got into my room, I slumped on the bed, and just made a small recap on what the hell happened just a few minutes ago.

~*~*~*~*~

The following morning, I spend it looking around the entire campus for Ludwig, but he was nowhere to be seen. Gott, where was he when I needed him? I've checked everywhere but the locker room nearby the gym, so I had high hopes I would find him there.

My eyes widened because of the scene that was unfolding infront of me. The moment my feet stepped on to the marble tilings of the locker rooms, I really wanted the floor to swallow me whole.

Yes, Ludwig was there alright, I was relieved. But he was kissing with whom I call, the King of the Bitches here in the World Academy, and the last person who you'll ever want to bump into here in the campus, Lovino Vargas.


	2. Kissing Lesson #2

Roderich

"Hey, Ludwig, why'd you stop? Are you teasing me, you potato loving bastard?" Lovino asked when Ludwig finally released his lips. "Sorry, I just remembered something funny." he said.

"Funny? Care to share?" Lovino said.

Even if I was watching them from a distance, I could still see the smirk that was forming on Ludwig's lips. "I kissed Roderich yesterday."

"That prissy music student? He's your boyfriend, right? Then what the fuck is funny about that?" 

"It was like kissing…. hmm, what's the right word…. Ah yes, a lamppost." Ludwig said, laughing a little. What the hell!? Ludwig? Laughing? Impossible! "He was so stiff. Also, unresponsive. You, my dear Italian, should've seen his face when I licked his lips. It was as if I'd violated him." he snickered. "He's such a prude; And he's a waste of my time"

"Well, it's also your fault, you know?" Lovino said teasingly. "Out of all the possible sluts here on the campus, you had to choose that little annoying bitch." 

Ludwig laughed once more. What the fuck? I'll show that Vargas dude a piece of my mind next time we cross paths, I swear. "Calm down, Lovino. It was just a dare from the other guys! They bet I couldn't make the nerdiest person in school fall for me, and I courted him for like, what, almost a year? He wasn't even worth it." he said.

"You really are a bad boy, Ludwig," Lovino said, seductively. "But I like--no, love--bad boys," he said before pulling Ludwig closer for another kiss. What the hell?! I've been played! And to think I trusted him! I left as quietly as I can, and ran straight back to my apartment. I skipped the rest of my classes and just stayed in my apartment, sitting on my bed. I still can't believe he would do such a thing.

Ludwig was my first boyfriend--well, he had been. I'd trusted him, and believed every word he's said to me. Verdammt! If there was one thing he said that I would have agreed with, I've really been gullible all the while. How can I be that blind? And stupid? How can I be both blind and stupid, not to notice this was a stupid bet all along? Also, I never cared to mind those It people. You know, those in different cliques. I never even want to dare cross paths with them. They all just talk about useless bullshit and all those other stuff instead of actually passing their academics. I can tell they are to be useless people sometime in the future, if that's ever going to help. How the hell was I supposed to have allowed that jerk to sweep me off my feet and forget my true self?

Verdammt.

My cheeks were damp. What the hell? Was I actually crying? Crying over that useless, jerk? I don't even think he's worth all my tears.I don't even think he was worth loving. Mein gott. Maybe I was happy, for some time. Maybe it was because someone actually looked beyond my prissy personality. And add nerdy to that, too. This is not good, I tell you. I brought my knees closer to my chest, and I was curled up in a ball.

Or was I crying for myself? I had no idea by this point in time. I've been played by the popular boy at the academy. How was I supposed to forgive myself? How?

Prude. Annoying bitch. Lamp post. 

Just because I didn't react properly doesn't mean I get the authority to claim these titles. Nor do they have the authority to judge me like that. Asshats.

I decided to go to the coffee shop to relieve my stress. Coffee always soothes my nerves down. Adjusting my glasses, and slicking my hair back, I headed my way to the coffee shop. Along the way, there was a crowd of people blocking the way in front of the main avenue, and the coffee shop as well. Making my way across the massive crowds of people, I found myself falling bottoms-first onto the ground. The next thing I knew was that there were three guys towering over me. They were all good-looking, but I knew they weren't to be trusted. Ever. One of them looked apologetic, the next one, smirking, and the other one looked as if he didn't care about anything at all.

"Watch it, you dummkopf!" I snapped at the three men, my temper getting the better of me. The first guy, who had light brown hair, helped me up. "Sorry, we're trying to run away from somebody."

"Hey, if you're being chased for a crime or something like that, the best thing is to not get me involved into that shit, okay?" I said. One of his friends, a blonde, scoffed at my words. "Hey, Gilbert, he said sorry already, you know."

"As if sorry is going to help make up for my broken pelvis!" I snapped at them.

"Hey! I think you're exaggerating way too much," the guy who helped me, protested. "So what? Do you want to start a fight here?" I knew I just let my words slip out my mouth, and that was just what I needed. I couldn't help it, really. I was going through a heartbreak right now. "You want a fight? I'll give you a fucking fight!" I snapped.

"Chillax, dude!" the third guy, an Albino, whose name appears to be Gilbert, and who looked as if he didn't give a fuck at all to the entire world, said. "Hmm, just think of this as if fate is pushing us together, m'kay?" the said the blonde guy.

"What kind of shit are--" My rant was interrupted by a smack on the lips.

"I think that made up for our offense, right boys?" the blonde guy said, winking towards his other two companions. They then walked away, and now I realized that the crowd was slowly beginning to be less and less. I just stood there, in the middle of the road, gaping after them.

 

What the fuck just happened?


	3. Kissing Lesson #3

Roderich

What the hell was that kiss for?

Kiss thief! Rapist! Pervert!

I've been violated. Again! What is it with people stealing kisses from me? Or is it people stealing my kisses. Would it even hurt for them to at least hear my consent first before stealing my kisses? Argh! Either way, they're violating me! I know I'm a nerd, but it doesn't mean you have to treat me like this!

What crappy luck I have here. I knew the luck I had wouldn't last until the end of the day. Damn, I really need my coffee to calm my nerves down now. And of course it would also be just my luck as well that people were staring at me as if I was some kind of one-man freak show. I started to walk away from the crowd, an towards the coffee shop but I suddenly saw something that caught my eye that was lying on the ground. I looked closer, and it appears to be a business card. I was about to throw it away until what was written--rather, printed--on the business card caught my eye.

 

Bad Touch, Inc.  
Got zero experience in kissing?  
Or anything that falls under the topic of love for that matter?  
Call us now! We GUARANTEE  
You'll be a damn good kisser and lover that  
you'll always leave people wanting for more.

 

What the… hell? People actually believe in this crap? Who on earth would even bother hiring an instructor who's gonna teach you to be… ugh, this is such useless crap. It's such a waste of both time and money. Sheesh.

I tucked the card into my pocket, since there weren't any trash bins around, and proceeded to the coffee shop. I got my usual order, but this time, to-go. As soon as I got my coffee, I headed back to my apartment, and drowned myself in misery,and coffee. But once I felt like I wasn't miserable any longer, I logged in to my Facebook account. 

I couldn't even believe the later post that was on my News Feed and Notifications:

Ludwig Beilschmidt is in a relationship with Lovino Vargas

What the actual fuck? They hadn't wasted any time at all, had they? Asshats.

What did I do wrong to make my life like this?

I figured it would be any better to just crawl into a hole and die. And I don't even think anyone would care.

~*~*~*~*~

I didn't do any better the following day. The moment I stepped on to the campus grounds, everyone stopped what they were doing and just stared at me. Every movement I did, they were still watching me. A few of the students exchanged awkward glances with each other, and when I followed all their stares, which finally wasn't at me, I saw the banes of my existence.

Feeling the anger rise up within me, I marched up to my son of a bitch boyfriend--oh, I'm sorry. I meant, ex-boyfriend--and started to give him a piece of my mind. 

"Ludwig, you asshat! What is this?"

Lovino stepped in front of Ludwig, as if protecting the very special possession he had. "For your information, you rotten tomato--"

"Shut up, dummkopt! I'm not talking to you." I snapped at Lovino.

"Watch it, Roderich!" Ludwig warned. "He's my boyfriend now."

"And what about me?" I challenged him. "Are you fucking done with me now?"

"Of course." was his simple reply. "I didn't really like you, anyway. I'm done putting up with you and your prudishness, Roderich." Alright, that hurt. AGAIN. I'd known I was in for a crappy confrontation with this asshat and his slutty boyfriend, but I never expected him to say it to me straight in the face with a lot of students watching.

"I guess you can talk to me now, then, you potato loving bastard?" Lovino drawled in his contrived "bedroom voice." 

"For you, and for everyone's information--" Lovino paused and raised his voice so all the people in the hall could hear "--I would like to announce the reason why Ludwig dumped the nerd."

The other bastards in the hall were actually cheering. And most of them were the bullies. Lovino smirked.

"This top student may be smart, but he's such a prude and a lousy kisser." He looked at me again, and smirked once more. "Eh? Why the hell are you crying? Didn't you like the entire school to know that you're so cold, you can't even make your own boyfriend happy?"

What the hell? Was I actually cryi-- Yes. I was. Fuck this. The only thing I knew was that my voice got stuck somewhere in my throat, and when I tried to speak up, my voice was small. My chest was tight, as if all the air had been sucked out. I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't talk either. I was standing there, and people all around me were just jeering at me. I couldn't even defend myself from the humiliation.

"What a crybaby." Lovino taunted. As if. He was the real crybaby. He would pretty much cry at every little bad thing that would happen to him. "What a pathetic loser you are, Roderich. I'll give you a piece of advice. Since you spend all your time studying and reading useless books, why don't you try looking up some kissing techniques? Who knows? Someone might actually be stupid enough to hook up with you in the future. Probably a fellow nerd."

Everyone laughed, and cheered on for Lovino. And could you guess who was laughing the loudest? Ludwig Fucking Beilschmidt.

I couldn't take this anymore, so I ran away.

Just you wait, Lovino. I'may be crying now, but once I nursed my bruised ego and heart, I'll make sure you're gonna pay. Big time. I swear that on my dearest piano.

They were both gonna pay. Big time.


	4. Kissing Lesson #4

Roderich

A few hours later, after being humiliated in public by the King of the Bitches, Lovino, I was at a club, probably looking like a fish that had just jumped out of its bowl. The moment I had stepped in to the dark, noisy place that caters to a lot of touchy-feely tipsy people, I almost regretted my decision. How on earth did people find their way around this place? And why was I even here in the first place?

"Ahhh," I moaned, after gulping down the glass of beer the bartender just handed me. In the moment of extreme coercion, I could recall in the movies that Elizaveta would let me watch wherein the heartbroken protagonists went to bars and clubs to drown out their sorrows. Earlier, I had been thinking that I was the victimized protagonist of my own heartbreaking story, so why on earth not?

Like in the movie, they drank to forget, and drank I did. Beer wouldn't always get me that drunk or sober, so I decided to kick it up a notch tonight. I just really needed a little forgiveness tonight.

I'd forget about Ludwig and remember the time when I'd just been Roderich. The nerdy, prissy, and musical, Roderich.

I called for the bartender and asked for their strongest drink. "Are you sure?" the bartender asked. He inspected me head-to-toe. Then threw me a suspicious look. Well, he looked older than my age, so what's wrong to order the strongest drink they serve here? 

"I can pay for it," I snapped at the bartender, adjusting my silver-rimmed glasses.

"It's not that, sir--"

"Then get the fuck to it," I said, interrupting whatever he was going to protest next. One last snarl from me had him whipping up my drink a few moments later. Why? Just because I looked like a nerd doesn't mean I can't drink what I want. Even if I wanted to drink, for that matter. He came back to the end of my bar a few minutes later, with a small shot glass containing a transparent-looking liquor. Was this vodka or something? Or was is margarita? Who the hell cares anymore? I looked up to see the bartender with a worried look on his face. Wait a minute. He kinda looked familiar. I squinted my eyes little, but to my dismay, the smoke from the club has already fogged my glasses up. I shrugged, and decided to just drink whatever was there in the shot glass.

"It's tequila," he said as he handed me a plate with a pinch of salt and a lemon slice on it. Wait, why is the glass small? Was it that strong for people to handle? What the hell was I supposed to do with the salt? And the lemon slice, why the hell is it even there in the first place? I raised an eyebrow at the bartender, silently asking him what the heck I do with all these. But he misinterpreted my look, and instead explained, "It's the strongest one we have here, Sir."

"Good," I said, grabbing the shot glass and gulping all of the contents in one go.

Holy mother of--What the fuck!? It's scorching my throat! It fucking burns!

"You're supposed to put salt on the edge of the glass, drink the tequila, and then suck on the lemon," the bartender explained, his eyes gleaming with laughter. How dare he laugh at me! I only know how to drink vodka and beer! "H-how the hell was I supposed to know?" I snapped at him, my voice cracking because my throat was still on fire. "It was my first time!"

"I could clearly see that, mi amigo." he said with a small smile on his face. I growled at him and sent him away to get me more. He came back with an entire bottle of it, which I drowned myself in the next few hours. I had a new best friend, and its name was Tequila. Well, next to Elizaveta, of course.

Many shots later, I was trying to answer the questions that life has thrown at me: Why had the guy---I mean, the bartender---grown three heads? Why was the club spinning? Why were colours swirling everywhere? Why the heck was algebra skiing me to look for it's X? I didn't even want my own ex! What does life even mean to me anymore?

"Sir," the three-headed bartender said after I downed another shot of Tequila. "You're very drunk."

"Well, if I'm drunk, then you're three." I said.

"I think you should stop," he said, taking the shot glass and the bottle of Tequila away from me. No! Don't you dare take away my best friend from me!

"Verdammt!" I screamed. "I can pay! Just because I look like a nerdy person doesn't mean I'm not allowed to get thrashed around! I can fucking pay for this! I can even buy you! I can buy all the fucking men on this planet, and all the asshats like Ludwig will be condemned to an eternity of slavery! Bwahaha! All those stupid asshat males who play with other people's hearts aren't even worth any shit."

"Ludwig?" one of the heads asked.

"My asshat ex. I've been played, as you can see." I explained, seriousness very noticeable in my voice.

"Why'd you break up with him?" another head asked.

"I don't wanna tell you." I pouted. "You'd be laughing even more at me."

"I won't I promise, cross my heart, hope to die." the third head replied.

"Blah, blah, blah," I mocked him. "All of your promises are worth so much shit. That's what all of you are good at. Promises. All you're after are what? A few kisses. Maybe even some make-out sessions. Sex. And when the girl you're into isn't good enough, you dump her. Why are all of you such perverts?"

All the three heads laughed. "Don't tell me you were dumped because you were a terrible kisser,"

"See! You knew! That means you all have the same standards! Fuck you all!"

"Well, mi amigo, not all men are like that. You just happened to get the short end of the stick this time,"

"Stick schmick."

He laughed once more, and pulled something out of his pocket. "Here, maybe this will help you with your problems." It took me three attempts to take whatever he was holding out to me because I didn't know which hand---or arm for that matter---was holding it. It was another business card. It suddenly reminded me of the pervert who stole a kiss from me earlier this afternoon. Damn him! Now what was this card? It's too fucking dark to read it. Everything was even blurry. Stupid vision, I think my eyes need to be corrected. Had this business card been written in another language or something?

"What the heck is this?" I asked.

"Just call if you need our services, mi amigo."

Dope. Was he from some phony counseling company? Well, he'd been a good listener after all, yet he was a little weird. If everything only hadn't gone a turn for the worst, I wouldn't be in this situation right now. Also, if only my head wasn't spinning this much, I would be talking to him a bit longer. But fuck my head, it felt so heavy. I closed my eyes a bit, then opened them once more. I couldn't take it anymore. My head hurt so much, and everything was such a blur. I couldn't even make out what the bartender was saying.

Then everything had gotten black.


	5. Chapter 5

Roderich

I woke up the next morning experiencing the mother of all hangovers. Damn that fucking Tequila! Instead of making me forget what had happened the day before, it just added another thing to my list of problems. I couldn’t even manage to lift my head.

As if that brand of torture wasn’t enough, Elizaveta had decided to come down on me like the personification heaven’s wrath.

“What on earth happened to you?” She’s probably said that in her normal voice, but hey, there’s like a hung over person here.

“Please don’t scream at me,” I pleaded.

“I’m not screaming, te buta!” she said, and this time, it looks like she’s raised her voice. I groaned at her assault, but she didn’t seem to pay any misery into her head. “That’s called a hangover, and that’s your punishment for having that bartender wake me up at four in the morning just to pick you up. Since when did you start getting trashed in clubs, anyway?” she asked.

“Since yesterday, apparently,” I replied.

“Anyways, how one earth did you find me there?”

She sighed, and then flashed a smirk at me. “Your bartender called. He was hot, Roderich. He saw your phone and saw, Elizaveta in the Favourites tab. He figured I was your best friend or something. You weren’t so attractive last night, you know? Did you know how much embarrassment you put the both of us in through last night?”

“N-nein...?” I replied, the hang over still getting the better of me. Although the pain was tolerable, it still hurt like hell. Her grin faded into a scowl. “You were practically begging that bartender to kiss you. You were screaming and crying and yelling about kissing and sex! When I tried to help you up, you threw up on me. I swear, Roddy, if I didn’t love you, I would’ve left you in that bar to choke on your own barf!”

“So you were the one who took me home?”

She rolled her eyes at me, and said, “Duh! And change you sheets because you threw up again.”

I thought for a moment, and asked, “So I wasn’t raped?”

“What the hell, Roderich?!”

“Well, I was just asking,” I said. Hey! It could be possible, you know! I have to admit, what I did last night was probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done in my entire life, right after dating Ludwig Beilschmidt.

“Oh hey,” Elizaveta said, seemingly over the entire ordeal. She can change moods as quickly as Mother Nature could herself. “The bartender said this was yours.” She handed me a business card. “Bad Touch Trio Inc. Why do you have this kind of card? Have you become that desperate that you—“

“Of course not, you dummkopt!” I snapped before she could even say anything more. Looking at the card, I suddenly remembered that I had one that looks exactly like it. I fished the other card out of my pocket, and showed it to Elizaveta. “It’s the second time I’ve seen the exact same card, yet they came from different guys.”

“Oh my gosh, Roddy. Spill everything to me!”

This is what I found wrong in Elizaveta. Everything about her was perfect—she was smart, pretty, and even athletic! What more could a person ask for? But the thing everyone, even I found weird about her is that she is obsessed with gay people. Anything that had to do with gay people—just from two boys holding hands, tow boys spending time together, two boys hugging—would make her insane. Like really, really insane. She would get nosebleeds, and even hyperventilate, but the latter was occasional. Her eyes were gleaming with joy that simply came from the gossip I had yet to tell her.

“The first one was when that pervert kissed me at the mall,” I replied. Her eyebrows shot right up. “Someone kissed you at the mall and you didn’t even bother telling me!? Was the guy handsome? Hot? Cute?”

“Calm down, Elizaveta! Hmm, I wouldn’t consider him handsome, but I would consider him as attractive. But still! He’s a pervert!”

She tsked at me. “Roddy, let me tell you this. If some ugly guy kissed you, then that would be considered a pervert. But if some handsome attractive guy kissed you, then that would be considered a blessing.”

“You’re really such a tramp, Elizaveta.” I said with a deadpan expression. “And besides, it was only a quick smack on the lips.”

“Well, no wonder you’ve been dumped,” she shot back. “Well then who gave you the second card?”

“The bartender last night. I told him about Ludwig and how he dumped me,” I explained.

“Ohh~ So Mister Pervert and Mister Bartender, eh? Do you think they’re the ones who give the kissing lessons?” she asked.

“Maybe. But what the heck girl, does it look like I care?” I said.

“What do you mean, what the heck do you care?” Elizaveta exclaimed. “Roddy, this is a golden opportunity! Ludwig dumped you because you suck at kissing, igaz? No pun intended, because I’m sure you didn’t suck.” She seemed pleased at her own joke, but I didn’t mind, nor did I say anything.

“You really are a prude, Roddy,” she complained. “Anyways! I say Destiny herself sent those cards to you. You need those lessons, and to think those guys give the lessons...” she waggled her eyebrows at me and grinned. “You hit the jackpot!” she said.

I’ll have to admit, she did make sense. A lot of sense. “I’ll call, only if I receive another card. Then we’ll see if my Destiny is really at play.”

“That’s a hard call, Roddy,” she complained, a hand to her waist, and yet I stood my ground, and she could probably see the resolve on my face because she gave up and changed the subject. “You know what? Whatever. I’ll just cook you up some Baumkuchen to get your head out of all that’s happened the past few days. And we can have tea afterwards, if that’s fine with you.” She said, brushing stray hair away from her face, and then putting them back in place with her pink flower hairpins.

“Hmm, alright then. But do you have any painkillers? My head hurts like hell.” I asked.

“Alright, I’ll get them for you.” Elizaveta said, to retrieve the said medicine, and returned a few minutes later with them and a glass of water in hand. I took the painkillers, and Elizaveta took off to the grocery to get the ingredients needed to make the Baumkuchen. Oh well, I’ll just rest here until my headache will go away. Until then, my revenge will have to wait.


	6. Chapter 6

Roderich

Later that same day, as soon as my headache has long subsided, Elizaveta and I ate the Baumkuchen she had just made. It wasn’t that sweet, nor did it just taste that plain. That’s just how I like it. As we ate, she started to talk about the two popular snakes in our school, yet I cut her off.

“Whatever you’re planning to say, forget it,” I said. “I’m not even interested.”

“You’re so bitter, Roddy!” she remarked. “Keep up with that attitude, and they’ll keep on calling you a loser.”

“So what? I am a loser, anyway,” I said.

“You know what, we’ll really have to stop with this pity party of yours!” she scolded. “You’re not a loser! You’re smart, funny, and handsome! You could use a makeover, but yes! You’re definitely handsome!” she said. “Hmm, if you were to have a makeover,” she said, then started looking at me as if I was a specimen underneath a microscope. “We’ll definitely have to start with these glasses of yours. You have stunning eyes, yet I don’t know why you insist on hiding them behind these frames!” she said, snatching my glasses. “But without my glasses, I will look so plain, Elizaveta. I swear, I wouldn’t want to look like some other person on the campus,” I said. Her shoulders slumped. “Oh well, if you still insist on wearing glasses, then we’ll have to get you some new frames,” she said, playing with the glasses for a bit, and then giving the said pair of glasses back to me. I slipped them back on, and said, “Alright, so what else do you want me to do, your highness?”

She smirked. “Allow me to do your makeover, Roddy. I ensure you that you’ll look really stunning, and more attractive!” She pleaded. Well, who was I to say no to Elizaveta? She was my only best friend, aside from Feliciano, of course. And everything she seems to promise, well, she would always keep it. So I knew at this point in time, I had to say yes.

She yelped, and commanded me to change. “Why on earth would you want me to change for?” I asked. “Operation: Make-Roddy-So-Beautiful-That-Ludwig-Will-Cry is now commencing!”

“Wow, why such a long name?” I laughed. “Oh hush, Roddy! Now, off we go!” She clapped her hands together just like a teacher, and pushed me towards the bathroom. I gave her one last glance, and she raised her eyebrow at me. “Well, what are you waiting for? Get moving!” she reprimanded.

With a sigh, I went into the bathroom to do her bidding. Elizaveta was pretty much unstoppable as soon as someone agrees to do what she wants, or at least when she’s got her mind set on something.

I just prayed to God that I wouldn't be regretting any of this.

~*~*~*~*~

A few swipes of my credit card, thousands of Euros, and four armfuls of shopping bags later, Elizaveta started to drag me to the salon. Gott, she was relentless! I assure you, I have never bought so many polos, vests, slacks, jeans, and shoes in my entire life! She had something for everything. I’d drawn the line after buying a purple vest and white polo that she said would suit me so much and it makes me look 100 more times attractive. “You have such a thin waist. Your legs are long, plus you’re tall. Your body is to die for, Roddy!” she said. “You’re almost perfect, every girl’s dream boy, you bitch.” She teased.

“Quit flattering me,” I replied, trying fight the blush that’s crawling up my face. “Meh,” She waved me off. “You are handsome, Roderich. Don’t make those jerks think otherwise. The entire school will roll over at your feet once they see the new you.”

When we arrived at the salon, Kiku, another one of Elizaveta’s friends, had called her. Whatever he had said her almost panting with excitement. “I have to go!” she said.

“What? We’re not even done yet!” I shouted at her. “Yes, we are, Roderich! Just tell the stylist to do whatever will make you look fantastic,” she shouted back at me. “When your Mr. Bartender called this morning, you interrupted my quality time with my club! He called because we have an emergency club meeting!”

“You’re just going to faint of nosebleeds, anyway.” I protested. “But at least I got to witness something phenomenal!” she replied gravely, before heading back towards me. “You should join us sometime,” she said. “Ugh, never mind.” I shrugged. “Just go ahead and leave me here under the mercy of the hair stylists, please.” I said.

“Don’t be dramatic, you prissy aristocrat.” Elizaveta teased. She rolled her eyes at me, and before I knew it, we were already in front of the salon. She gave instructions to the hair stylist before she careened off to nowhere.

It turns out that she’d requested that they would be making my hair slightly longer and a little wavier. Well, I couldn’t complain with that. It’s Elizaveta’s orders, after all. It would take around 3 hours until my hair would be done, so I sat on the seat, twiddling with my thumbs like a retard with nothing to do and no one to talk to, except for some guy who was sleeping in a reclined chair next to where I was sitting. He’s covered his face with a magazine, probably for a little privacy.

Well, at least he’s seemed to be sleeping, or so I thought. Then, I’ve suddenly thought of this outrageous idea of spilling my heart and soul out to him, because why on earth not? He was sleeping after all. I’ve done more stupid things.

“Hey,” I called out. “Are you asleep?”

No word, nor movement. That would be a go signal for me.

“You see, it’s like this. I’ve had this boyfriend who pursued me for almost a year. Around twenty days after we've become official, he went behind my back and made out with the school’s most popular bitch. I’ve even caught them in the act. They were laughing at me and even called me horrible names such as ‘prude’ just because I was a terrible kisser. After that, they publicly humiliated me and told the whole school about my ignorance, or so to speak. Who does that shit, right? But anyway, my best friend told me to make him regret ever dumping me by showing him that I could be hot and handsome as well. I must be stupid, talking to myself now. Or not? I don’t—“

Then the guy just suddenly stood up, startling me. He stared down at me and said, “No matter how much you doll yourself up, he won’t take you back if you don't know how to kiss. You’d be better off living your life as an old maid.”

With that, he dropped something on my lap and left. And damned if Destiny wasn’t really pulling the strings, because I’d gotten my sign.

The third card.


	7. Kissing Lesson #7

Roderich

Mein gott. That was really unexpected. And embarrassing. As soon as the guy stood up from his seat and left, I just felt my jaw drop to the ground. I really thought he was asleep! And I'm really starting to feel that my stupid-o-meter had been steadily rising ever since that horrible breakup. Damn that Ludwig anyway.

To cover up the stupid thing I had did earlier, I just decided to chat with my hair stylist, who'd just came back to check on my extensions. I really wonder why Elizaveta requested extensions for me—especially on my bangs. "Hey Miss—" I paused to read the nametag she wore. "—Feliks? Has he been awake all along?"

"It's possible, and sir, I'm a guy like you as well." Feliks said, his emerald eyes scanning through my brown locks of hair. "Oh, is that so? I'm terribly sorry." I said blushing a little.

"Nah, it's alright. Most people mistake me as a girl, and it's perfectly fine by me anyway." Feliks said with a smile.

Now that I think about it, he is wearing an awful lot of clips on his hair. And was he wearing... eye shadow? And I think it's purple. Well, if he said it's fine with him, and then I'll have to respect that.

"But that guy... he always visits here and he sits on the same chair every time. Sometimes he sleeps, but most of the time, he's just people-watching." Feliks said, putting some hairpins into my hair.

"He's really weird." I said, sighing.

"He is," Feliks agreed. "But he's really attractive as well. He brings in more female customers, so Toris and I would allow him to stay here." He laughed, but then got serious when he remembered something. "I heard what you said though, that's pretty harsh, Sir."

"Tell me about it," I sighed again. He gave me his sympathies, to which I accepted with a really grateful smile. After that, he worked in silence; while I continued to think more about those business cards I've been receiving the past few days.

I really don't think it's a coincidence that I'd gotten three cards from three different people in three different situations. Elizaveta was right. It really must be destiny. Besides, what was there to lose?

I've already lost the reputation I've worked so hard to gain in front of the entire school, in front of the bartender, and even in front of the weird guy earlier. I'm a hundred percent sure I couldn't be any more embarrassed.

All right. I'd have to make the call sooner or later.

With my extensions finally set, I thanked Feliks, gave him a tip, and paid at the counter. As soon as I got home, half of what Elizaveta and I bought was already here. I'd have to thank her later. I put the several shopping bags on top of the coffee table, since my couch was pretty much overflowing of shopping bags already, you can hardly make out the outline of the said furniture.

I called Elizaveta and asked her to come over. She sounded really irritated when she answered. Oh gott, don't tell me I interrupted something important again.

Elizaveta arrived 30 minutes later, and she was so happy and excited, the complete opposite of how she was acting just a few minutes ago. "So? Why'd you ask me to come over? And this better be good news mister." She said the moment she's stepped into my apartment, and she put a hand to her waist.

I took a deep breath before I muttered, "I'm calling them."

She shrieked in happiness and hugged me tightly. "You got a third card!?" she asked. I shoved the third card into her hands; slightly crumpled because it was in my pocket the entire time, ever since the weird guy at the salon left.

"I knew it! I told you so, Roddy! Go, call them now!"

I grumbled at her demand, and retrieved my cellphone from my pocket. I dialed the number, and after five rings, someone finally picked up.

"Who's this?"

I bit my lip, and thought of something proper to say. "Guten tag, is this Bad Touch Trio, Incorporated?"

"Ah, oui. What can I do for you?" the guy said. And did he speak in... French?

"Uhh... I'd like to apply for one of your lessons? Or is it a program?" I asked.

"Ah, sure. Are you free tomorrow?"

I was about to reply until I heard someone talking in the background from the guy's end. "Oiii...! Êtes-vous encore fait? Ne me laissez pas attendre!"

Gott. Knowing from the tone of the person's voice, this says make-out all over it. I disregarded whatever just happened and answered in the affirmative instead.

"Good. It's a date then. I'd gotta go." Then he hung up on me.

Elizaveta jumped in joy the moment I dropped my cellphone. "So?" she asked, her face simply overflowing with giddiness.

"So the guy said we'll be meeting up tomorrow. He said he'll just text me the address because it seemed like he was doing something else." I dryly said.

"Busy?" she said, curiosity probably kicking in her senses by now.

"Yes, busy. I wouldn't want to meddle in whatever business he has by now, Elizaveta. It isn't nice." I scowled at her.

"Busy?" she asked again, this time in a tone I knew would be the end of me, or at least will make me end up in misery in the next hour, and with a raised eyebrow.

I groaned. "Okay, fine. The guy was in the middle of having you know what with another person in the background."

"Oh my gosh!" Elizaveta exclaimed. "That could be you in a few days, Roddy! I'm so happy for you!" she said, hugging me rather tightly. I broke our hug when I felt my phone vibrate. Must be from the guy I talked with earlier.

Starbucks, 3:30 pm. Near the Shopping Centre. Wear something purple.

I have to say, I should really look up to that guy. I mean, he took the time to send a text in the middle of doing you know what. Someone should give him an award for that.

As I told Elizaveta the text, her giddy side was starting to appear once more. "Wear something purple? Oh my gosh! Roddy, the purple vest I just got you earlier is perfect! This must be your fate to really attend their service!" she said, handing me over the said vest.

"Go wear the white polo with that! Also, change from those thick frame of yours to the new ones we got!" she said, snatching my glasses once again and replacing it with the rimless one we bought earlier the same day.

"Alright, alright. I've had enough love-related things stuck in my head today. I'll see you tomorrow," I told her.

"Don't worry, you'll get used to being in love soo—I mean again! See you!" she said, the last part of her sentence not even half-clear to me. And then she took her leave.

Great, what have I gotten myself into this time?

Tomorrow morning came by so fast. Well, today is a weekend, so I can take it easy for now. Probably in the latter part of the day the rush is going to get me.

Not even ten minutes since I got up from my bed, someone was already knocking—no, rather, banging—at my door.

Who the heck is disturbing me this early, I thought to myself. Besides, can't a human get some time on his own for once?

I hastily walked towards the door, opened it, to reveal the person I was least expecting.

"Feliciano? What are you doing here?"

The Italian was full of glee today as usual. Feliciano was Lovino's twin brother. Yes, twin brother, yet he's the complete opposite of the latter. Feliciano smiles a lot, and is really cheerful, and yet Lovino on the other hand is a walking cussing machine. Also, mess with him, and you're in for a big mess. I still like Feliciano as a friend, though. But he can be really annoying at times, too.

"Ciao, Roderich! Elizaveta asked me to come bring these things for you!" he said, handing me over an expensive-looking paper bag. He's still smiling. I eyed the bag suspiciously, but nonetheless, I still accepted it.

"Danke," I muttered, and followed, "but I don't remember Elizaveta telling me she'll send you to give me this. Not did I even remember her telling me that she'll be sending me a parcel today."

"Well, she did only tell me to bring this to you last night! She also said it might help you look uh... what was the word again? Ah yes! Attractive!" he made it sound more like a question-and-answer statement to me.

"Ve~" he chimed. "I'd better get going, or fratello is going to scold me again for going wherever without him. Ciao!" he said, before dashing towards the direction of the elevator.

I shut the door behind me, and placed the bag on the kitchen countertop. I haven't unwrapped anything Elizaveta and I bought yesterday, mind you. You can still hardly make out my living room. I really have to clean all of this up later.

I grabbed the shopping bags that contained my outfit for later in the afternoon, and I went back to making my morning coffee. Breakfast was nice, and then I did the rest of my morning routines. I spent the rest of the morning playing the piano.

Gott, you don't know how much I like to play that majestic thing.

Around an hour after I ate lunch, another person was knocking on the door. This time, I was in the middle of reading a periodical. If my instincts were right, that person might be Elizaveta. They'd better not fail on me now.

I answered the door, and my hunch was right. It was her.

"Good afternoon Roddy! Are you ready to meet your new kissing instructor?" she asked, smirking.

"Sheesh, you're too excited for that thing. Come in," I harshly said. She's in a good mood today. I can't have control over her emotions, so what was I to do?

"Hurry up! We have an hour until you meet your new lover!" she told me, pulling on my arm.

"Hmm... kind of. I am getting nervous." I said nonchalantly.

"Hehehe... let's get you ready for your new lover boy!" she said, pushing me towards my room.

But let's be honest here, I was getting pretty excited for this thing myself. I mean, a new experience wouldn't hurt, right? I thought to myself.

She got me ready for the occasion, in a mere thirty minutes, and then she fixed herself, and we were ready to go. She gave me one more rundown check before we left, and she fixated her eyes onto something and groaned.

"Did you really have to wear a sweater on top of that polo? You're gonna die alone, I assure you. Get that hideous thing off and wear this instead! And move quickly, we don't have much time!" she said; handing me over the purple vest we bought.

"Mein gott, fine." I murmured and changed my clothes quickly. If you don't let Elizaveta have her way, I assure you your day will be a joyride to hell.

When I was done changing, we she nodded her head in approval, and handed me over my cellphone. I quickly slipped the said gadget into the pocket of my jeans, along with the keys to my house, and off we went.

"You'll be fine! Don't worry!" she assured me. "And besides, you can't back out now Roddy! Trust me, everything's gonna be fine!"

I felt really sick. I wanted to vomit and run back home right then and now. We were already in the Starbucks branch by the Shopping Centre, and we were 15 minutes earlier than the said meet-up time.

"If you say so... ugh. Just get me a tall cup of latte, please." I told her, as I rubbed my temples.

"Sure. I'll be back in—Oh who is it this time?" she immediately grabbed her cellphone and answered it.

"Hello? Kiku? Yes, what is it that you need? Huh? You said what now?! Alright, I'll be there in a few minutes. See you!" then she dropped the call.

"It was Kiku; Another emergency club meeting. But don't worry, I'll get your coffee first." She said, and I simply nodded.

"Alright then. I'll just be here." I said. To ease my nerves, luckily, I brought a book with me. I probably read through two chapters or so until someone came up to me and asked, "Were you the one who called Bad Touch Trio Incorporated?"

Since my eyes were on the book, and my gaze was on the floor, the first thing I saw was a pair of navy blue chucks. My eyes then slowly went from the person's feet to his head, and I stopped to rest my book on the table before I could look at his face.

"Yes I—what? You?"


	8. Kissing Lesson #8

Roderich

This was destiny's call after all. She's definitely bored and doing all sorts of things to mess up my life.

The guy raised an eyebrow at me, and he seemed very unconcerned with my rising temper.

"Me?" the douche deadpanned.

"Ja! You were the guy in the salon yesterday, right?" I retorted, nearly screaming, as I looked into his sharp red eyes.

"Ahh, ja I remember now! You're that stupid loser who doesn't know how to kiss and got dumped by his boyfriend!" he said with a smirk on his face.

Gott, the nerve this guy has! And it looks like he has a German accent too, so...

"Why you—" I said, but I got cut off by one of his cohorts who shut my mouth up by placing a kiss.

The guy who kissed me laughed his ass off. "What the hell was that for?!" I asked.

"Mon ami, can you shut up for a second? Let's discuss why you've called all of us here first, before you can throw us a shit-tonne lot of insults, oui?" The guy said, tilting my head up to meet his face, and then took a seat next to me.

"But—" I said, to be cut off once more by the guy's finger on my lips.

"Non. Mon Cherie, one more word that comes out of your lips, one kiss from me. You're really cute." He said, smirking.

The German guy sat down, and the other guy, too, sat down next to him, across me.

My patience was slowly wearing out, and we haven't even started this meeting yet. I crossed my legs, and took the last sip of my coffee. "So," the German guy started, breaking the seemingly peaceful silence. "Were you the one who called Francis?"

"Who?" I asked.

"Francis Bonnefoy. Bad Touch Trio Incorporated, in case you didn't know." The guy replied.

"Oh gott. So you're a member of Bad Touch Trio Incorporated, too?" I asked, biting my tongue, and wishing he wasn't a part.

"I'm here, aren't I? Are you a dummkopt, or what?" he retorted.

"Did you just call me a—" I said, raising my voice and slamming my hands on the table. Everyone in the café seemed to notice, and I immediately sat back down. I cleared my throat, and I asked, "Asking questions is now a crime? Are you gonna die if you answer my questions without deadpanning back at me?"

"No, but you sure are wasting my time." He casually said. This guy sure is testing my patience, to my dismay, is slowly thinning and I'm pretty much on the verge of snapping.

"What now? Are you still going to sign this shitty contract or not?" he asked, seemingly annoyed.

"There's a contract?" I raised my eyebrow at him.

"I just said so, didn't I? Geez, you're so slow." He said, while his other cohorts just facepalmed.

"Why you little arrogant ass! Just hand me over the contract!" I remarked, as he handed me the contract. I eventually stared into space as if talking to me was the most boring thing in the entire planet. If only this guy hadn't been more attractive than me, I would've walked out the moment we both snapped at each other.

Hey, come to think of it, I haven't asked for his goddamn name yet. Where on earth have my manners gone?

"Hey," I said, holding out my hand to him, setting down the contract on the table for a moment. "My name's Roderich Edelstein. You are?" I gave him my 'sweetest' smile, but he still looked like he drank the world's most bitter cup of coffee or something.

He shook my hand, and said, "Gilbert Beilschmidt."

I tried to not snarl at him, and instead returned my focus towards the contract.

 

 

Bad Touch Trio, Incorporated

Rules:

1\. You shall pay the sum amount of 50 000 Euros cash, for the kissing tutorial program that will last approximately 5~6 months.

2\. You and your chosen kissing instructor shall meet at least 4 times a week for your kissing lessons. The time and venue shall be decided upon you and your chosen kissing instructor.

3\. In case one or both of you give in to your sexual urges, no complaints or protests shall be entertained.

4\. The lessons shall remain private between you and the people responsible for this program. In whichever case this program is exposed to the public, a fine shall be imposed.

5\. And lastly, falling in love, be it mutual or one-sided, is strictly prohibited and will lead to an immediate dissolution of this contract no matter what the situation is.

 

I, _____________, agree to the rules stated in this contract.

___________ ______________________________  
Date Signature above Printed Name

 

 

I read the first part of the contract out loud and raised an eyebrow at all of them. "I'm perfectly fine with the fee. Although I'm short of 20 000 Euros right now. I can go grab that right now at the bank. Until when do you need the money anyway?"

Gilbert shrugged, running fingers through his hair. "Anytime, actually. But you'll have to give the money to Toni, not me."

"Toni?" I asked.

"Antonio; He's one of our members." He said.

"Well, all in all we're three; Antonio, Francis, and myself." As he said each name, they all waved at me. Well, except for Gilbert of course.

"Right," I said, trying to exaggerate the way I say the word. I continued reading the contract aloud. Once I finished reading the second paragraph (or rather, rule), I immediately asked, "Chosen instructor?"

"Clearly, yes. Not all of us can teach you. So you have to choose one. And make sure to pick wisely, too." Gilbert said.

I inhaled deeply and tried so hard to ignore his demeanor. I'm also wondering just how on earth their company earns money when the people who're in the company are acting like this.

"Alright then, how do I choose?" I asked.

"I'll give you all our biodatas later." He replied.

Shrugging, I moved on and read the rest of the contract. The third paragraph said something about sexual urges and the like. "Wait, what the hell is this? It's impossible something like this... 'giving in' thing happened to you before." I said.

Gilbert's eyes suddenly grew big, and coughed. "H-hey! Don't ask me, okay?!" he snapped. "I'm not the one who wrote this goddamn contract! And besides, you dummkopt, it's sex. Dammit, you can't even say the word with a straight face on! No wonder my brother dumped you!" he said, the latter part half-laughing.

"W-what...!? You're Ludwig's brother?" I asked. Oh god, no wonder he reminds me of him so much. Ugh, never mind that. I'm going to make sure that Ludwig comes crawling back after me once these lessons are over. For sure.

"Yes, dummkopt. Didn't Ludwig ever tell you about me?" Gilbert asked slightly pissed off.

"No... ugh, anyways, no hitting below the belt on this one, mister, you got that? No wait, that actually applies to all three of you."

"As if I would ever want to have sex with you, you prude." Gilbert muttered.

"You take that goddamn back!" I retorted at him. He just snarled at me, and I just read the rest of the contract before I could walk out.

"Hold on, my friend, Elizaveta knows about this company of yours. She was the one who urged me to call, anyway! I guess I can pay for it now, right?" I asked.

"Gott, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't fucking know?" Gilbert said, clearly irritated.

"If you don't give a crap about anything this company does, then why the hell are you still a member?" I asked.

I face complete utter silence. None of the members, even Antonio and Francis spoke up. I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, and continued to finish reading the contract.

 

No falling in love with any of the instructors.

 

Gosh, since when will I ever fall in love with any of these three? They are attractive, yes, but their attitude? You won't even last a week with any of these jerks. So this rule is perfectly fine by me.

I grinned. "Why the hell are you grinning now, dummkopt?" Gilbert asked, breaking the silence.

"Gott, don't call me a dummkopt, please. It makes me feel stupid" I said.

"But you are stupid, right?" he retorted. Oh gott, this guy is so annoying!

"Alright, fine I'll admit that I could be stupid sometimes. Anyways, you were asking me why I was grinning, right? Well, this rule makes so much sense that I would never fall in love with any of you. Especially you, you dummkopt." I said, flicking Gilbert's forehead.

"Oww, that hurts!" he said.

I laughed at his pain, and he just pouted at me. Nonetheless, I signed the contract and slid it across the table to the guy whose name is Antonio. He retrieved something from his bag, which appeared to be... folders?

Once I got the folders, the three of them stood up, and walked away without saying another word. I opened the folder, and saw well, three files. One of each men.

And like I said earlier, this is when Destiny starts to really play games with me.


	9. Kissing Lesson #9

Roderich

Fishing out the phone from my pocket, I immediately dialed Elizaveta's number. Taking the folders, I headed my way out of the coffee shop and back to my apartment

After a few rings, someone picked up. "What is it this time Roddy? I'm in the middle of doing something—" I cut her off, saying, "I signed the contract."

With the clashing of something that sounded like a plate to the floor, she screamed to the top of her lungs. "Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed. "So, how do they look like?"

"You should get over here to the condo right now. I wouldn't want to go to wherever you are right now. I'm exhausted." I said, hailing a taxi. Well, since I broke up with Ludwig, I have no choice but commute going home. Sucks for me.

"Fine. Let me just finish my... well... teehee... business here. I'll come right over before even you can get home. Hihi..." Elizaveta agreed. "Be seeing you!" And then she hung up on me.

I shook my head in disgust. She was probably having an emergency meeting with her club... again. Probably the fifth time this week. I've always loved Elizaveta as a friend. I really do, but just sometimes, instances like this, she was just a little too much for me.

As soon as the cab stopped in front of my apartment, I went straight for my laptop as soon as I got in. While waiting for Elizaveta, I decided to check my blog (hey, I may be nerdy, but that doesn't mean I can't run a blog, right?) and my inbox was... well, had more messages than usual. Of course, anonymous questions filled up most of it.

Want me to teach you how to kiss so Ludwig would want to take you back? Here's my number. Call me when you need some help ;)

Are you a lousy kisser?

Are you still a virgin?

"What the hell..." I muttered. So much questions about my lousy kissing techniques and my virginity. If this was how people would see me right now, I only had Lovino and Ludwig to blame. (Who else, of course?) They're gonna pay. Big time.

Oh, if only you knew the agony of answering all these stupid questions. Of course, I'd answer most of it with: "Fahr zur Hölle, du Bastard!" in this case, I do not want to translate. Go find another German person and ask them to translate that for you. Let's see who'll be crying in 5 seconds time. Anyway, answering these questions consumed my time, and probably an hour after I arrived, and after answering the last batch of questions, Elizaveta finally arrived. I didn't bother asking her why she's late, or why she'd promised that she's going to arrive here first than me.

She took a sneak at my open laptop screen, and asked, " ? Oh god, Roddy, don't you know how many asshole anons are out there?"

"I'm clearly aware of that," I sighed. "I should clearly turn off the anon questions in the settings. Remind me that later." I added.

"Just don't mind them. So... your makeover is done. All you have to do now is to focus on your kissing lessons. You'll have him crawling on his knees wanting you back in no time. Now, let's me see those files." She said, brushing some stray hairs away from her face, and clipping them aside.

So we opened the first folder, and read through it together.

 

Antonio Fernández Carriedo

Name: Stated above already, mi amore.

Nickname: Toni, or Antonio. Or anything you'd like.

Birthday: February 12, 1995

Hobbies: Mixing drinks, playing the guitar, playing with young children

No. of customers as of September 2013: 23 (both male and female)

Comment from customers: He's one heck of a gentleman and also a good kisser.

Complaints from customers: none

 

Right. So the bartender from the other night had been Antonio. Nice background. No complaints, and he was a gentleman.

The next file was on Gilbert the PMS-ing Grump.

 

Gilbert Beilschmidt

Name: Dude, check up there.

Nickname: Gil

Birthday: January 18, 1995

Hobbies: Drinking beer. Nothing else.

No. of customers as of September 2013: 35 (both male and female)

Comment from customers: He has two moods—either he's playing hard to get, or too easy to get. Either way, I'm in love with his game.

Complaints: I just can't get enough of him!

 

What the hell was this file trying to imply? Mister Man-of-Few-Words is actually a charmer, with 35 customers already? I still cringed at the fact on how he handles his clients. And what the hell is this I can't get enough of him bullshit? He doesn't look anything close to being a good kisser!

Sliding his file to the side, I looked through the last folder.

 

Francis Bonnefoy

Name: Francis Bonnefoy, mon amie. :*

Nickname: Mister Francey-Pants

Birthday: July 14th, 1995

Hobbies: Flirting and playing with women in bed

No. of customers as of September 2013: 36 (both male and female)

Comment from customers: He made me feel like a virgin.

Complaints: Hey! He stole my virginity... but I loved it!

 

Oh shit, so he was the one who kissed me in public.

"Roddy! Whatever did you do in your previous life to receive all these wonderful blessings!?" Elizaveta exclaimed. "Praise the heavens, you are one lucky bitch!" she whispered to herself.

"Hello? Where on earth is the luck in this?" I waved a hand in front of her.

"Duh, Roddy! Are you a moron, or an idiot? Oh wait, you're both!" she said, laughing and on the verge of crying. "Don't you know who these bad boys are? They're the love gods of World Academy!" she said.

"So? The hell do I have to do with the 'love gods' department?" I asked. (As if something like that even exists, I thought.)

"What the heck do you mean, 'so'? Don't you understand? This is a privilege! A gift from the love god herself! You'd be able to have kissing sessions with the most sought-after boys in World Academy!" she said.

"Boys?" I retorted. "Remember, I only get to choose one."

"But still!" Elizaveta waved off. "What bothers me is why they still have this kissing program. It's not as if they need the money anyway."

"Maybe they're just capitalizing on their pervertedness," I mumbled to myself.

"Well, I guess anyone would want to kiss them, so why on earth not charge for it? Smart guys, those three," Elizaveta said. She looked through the files once more, then grinned at me. "So, who're you gonna chose?"

I shrugged. "What do you think?"

"Well, to be completely honest, I'd choose any of them," she said. "From what I've heard though, Antonio is the nicest. Gilbert's the cool, aloof type. Very quiet, but when you get to know him better, he's one hell of a rollercoaster ride. And really popular, nonetheless. That Francis, though—he's the daredevil of the three. Word on him is that he's a playboy and he's devirginized so many girls that people have lost count. They say he's full of it, but who can blame him? He's handsome, he's rich, and he's smart to boot!"

I narrowed my eyes at Elizaveta. "Mhm, stalker."

"Shut your mouth, Roderich!" Elizaveta laughed out loud and hit me.

"I'm just a fan! It's not like many people didn't already know what I've just told you! Not to hurt your feelings, but you're just a nerd who's contented to wither away in the library, unlike most people who actually have a life."

"Gah, whatever Elizaveta."

"Anyway," she pressed, "have you chosen anyone yet?"

I zeroed in on one picture. "I have someone in mind, but I'm not so sure yet." I said. Elizaveta grinned and looked at the clock. "Oh, would you look at the time! I really have to be heading home now! Promise me you'll call once you've decided?" she said.

"Of course," I assured her. I walked her to the front door and went back to the files.

Right. So who should I choose?


	10. Kissing Lesson #10

Roderich

I was starting to wonder if I was making the right choices. I mean, one night looking through three thin portfolios is enough, right? I was lucky enough to have made my decision before the break of dawn. At times I would question my own sanity because the usual Roderich wouldn't spend that much money on something as stupid as this 'Kissing Program'.

But of course, the memories of Ludwig and Lovino laughing still haunt me. So I have to do this to do some pay back.

And morning found me calling for Elizaveta, who apparently wasn't answering any of my calls. She eventually answered on god-knows-what try.

"What?"

"Sheesh. Is that how you greet your best friend in the morning?"

"Roddy, you woke me up in an ungodly hour! Why wouldn't I be cranky? Girls need their beauty sleep, too! Now, tell me what you need to tell me, or I'll drop the call."

"Can you help me choose what I'm gonna wear today?"

"Roddy!" Elizaveta exclaimed. "Your father is one if the world's most famous fashion designers! One of the best! Why on earth didn't you take after him? Are you sure you're his son?"

"Elizaveta, are you going to help me, or just question my lineage?" I asked.

"Fine," she said sighing. "But you so owe me that really pretty and expensive dress we saw the other day when we were shopping, okay?"

"Whatever. It's yours." I quickly replied.

"Damn you, rich kid..." she muttered. "But sorry I can't go to your house today! I have a club outing today and-"

"I won't accept any lame excuses this time," I said, but she cut me off, saying, "Listen to me! Do you remember the grey vest we bought the other day? Wear that over any white polo you have and wear some black slacks and you're good to go! And just wear any brown loafers you have. It suits you."

"Are you sure I'll look presentable?" I asked.

"Dead sure, Roddy. Also, it would really give a very attractive look if you slick back your hair and not wear your glasses today. Just use the prescription contacts I got you." she said, and it sounds like she was packing something over on the other line.

Whatever, I just let that pass. My extensions would be useless if I just let them down, so why not give some style to my hair? And I've only ever had one hairstyle my whole life.

"Copy!" I said.

"Great. Now, see you in two days! My club and I will be heading to Japan. Courtesy of Kiku of course. I'll be back soon, I promise!" she said, before adding, "Anyways, good luck Roddy! Gotta go!" And then she hung up on me.

I took out the grey vest and white polo she insisted, along with all the other garments she said, and wore them. I must say, I look pretty damn good.

The grey vest was a little tight, but it sure gives me a flattering figure. Not like a woman's Coca Cola in a bottle figure, but male supermodel-like body-or like Adonis, the Greek god!

I'm still wondering how I remember my history lessons, though. It's the worst subject the world has ever seen.

Argh, school aside. I really, really don't want to talk about school right now. What was I gonna do? Oh, right. I'd better call them already. But it was too early, so I decided to get some sleep.

 

I found myself waking up seven hours later, which was not a good idea. I quickly took a bath and ironed the clothes I was going to wear. I took a quick lunch, and fixed myself up. A few perfume here and there, and oh, that's right, no glasses.

Once I did a last check if I looked decent enough, I called Antonio... I think. I'm not sure. I just dialed the number written on the folder.

He then picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

He sounded a lot nicer than Gilbert did, that's for sure. "Yes, hello. Uh, is this Antonio Carriedo?" I asked.

"Si mi amigo! I'm guessing this is Roderich Edelstein?" he asked.

"Y-yes it is. Anyway, I've already decided my instructor. Is it alright if we meet up later?"

"Oh sure, no problem. I'm going to guess you chose... me?" He said, laughing.

I laughed myself, but said, "You'll find out later. Thanks. And see you!" I said.

"Meet us at Starbucks again by the mall, at 3:00 same place, ok? Same place." he said.

"Yeah. See you!" I was about to hang up but he seem to have muttered something.

He sent me a follow-up text message, saying, "Hey there! Don't be shy to us, okay? We'll be together for six months, so might as well start getting used to us being around you!"

I disregarded the text, but with all due respect, I simply replied, "Oh, haha, right. I'll try to open up as best as I could."

I sometimes wished that Antonio would be my instructor. He's a really great guy, I mean, all the girls would want a guy like him. Oh how I sometimes wished I was a girl.

Then I realized that I was lucky enough to be born as a guy and not experience whatever icky stuff girls go through. Well, let's not get into detail with that.

I did some final touch-ups and before I knew it, it was already time for me to 'confront' with them. Such a deep word, I know.

 

I arrived at the said meeting place almost an hour early, and thought I might be a little excited for what's gonna happen. But I was surprised to see that Antonio already seated there by one of the booths.

"You're a tad bit early, don't you think?" I said to him as a greeting, sitting down in the seat across him.

"I'm sorry, but do I know you?" he asked. Ouch, just because I got a haircut and all those other make-over things doesn't mean he could easily forget me.

"I'm Roderich."

As soon as I said that, it was as if I was going to melt. My chest felt fluttery, just because of his smile.

"Roderich!" he exclaimed. "What a pleasant surprise! I almost didn't recognize you! You look different! Totally different!"

Oh god, don't say those things, I wanted to say. I could feel a blush creeping onto my neck, but I tried to ignore that so Antonio wouldn't notice.

What I blurted out instead was, "Thanks, I got a makeover. With a little-or should I say, a LOT-of help from my friend." And I also gave him a small smile to compliment my statement.

"It looks good on you," he said. "You look more, handsome," he said, caressing my cheek.

I jerked my body in surprise, but he immediately took back his hand, and said, "Haha, sorry. I'm just so used to doing that to my other clients." I'm pretty sure my face was red right now. The blush that was creeping up my neck earlier was probably extending until my ears right now. Oh god, this is really embarrassing.

"Hehe, you're a cute guy. So, why're you so early?" I asked.

"I've always been an early bird," he said with a sheepish smile. "I really, really hate being late. And I always have a lot of spare time, so why not, right? Well, what about you, Roderich?"

"Same reason as you. I really hate to be tardy in occasions like this." I replied.

"Let's just wait for Gil and Francis," he said. "It'll take them a while, trust me."

 

We decided to order our food and before we knew it we fell into comfortable conversation. We talked about a variety of things, and I found out that he works at a bar (it took you that long to find that out, Sherlock?) and he seems to enjoy it. And he's a really talkative person, not that I don't mind. I'm really enjoying his company.

I asked him why they decided to start up a Kissing Program, he started talking a little less. He said that they weren't allowed to tell the reason why they started to make a business like this. I made this a point to figure out why when I soon start the program.

Before we knew it, it was already 10 minutes before the said meeting time, and the other guys still haven't arrived.

"They're still not here," I told him.

"They're most likely caught in the traffic. Again." He said with a sigh.

He fixated his eyes on something else and smiled. "Look, there's Gil,"

Gil-shortened of Gilbert, I assumed-went to our table when he recognized Antonio. He immediately plopped down the seat next to Antonio, without even bothering to greet us. Rude, I thought. But that wasn't new, he was like this ever since our first encounter. It's not as if I can change his attitude overnight, right?

Oh well, snobs will always be snobs. Gilbert and Antonio chatted for a while, leaving me to just patiently wait for their last member. What's wrong with that pervert? Doesn't he realize how much of other people's time he's wasting here?

After what seemed like eternity (but in reality was probably roughly 20 minutes) the last member arrived. He had an off-hand apology the moment he sat next to me, and said "Sorry I was late, I had a lesson to finish." He looked to me, and smiled. "You're Roderich, oui?"

"Yes I am." I answered curtly. "And I really hate latecomers. We've been waiting here for god knows how long! Who do you think you are? Would you think we'd just keep quiet here while you just waltz in here as if you were like the god Apollo himself and allow ourselves to forgive you this easily? I don't even think I give a single damn about your existence mi-"

He held my cheek just like what Antonio did early, and before I could even speak to protest, he's already planted his lips against mine. He's done it again. As much as the kiss was passionate enough, I pushed him away from me.

"What the hell!" I screamed. "Pervert! Molester! Rapist!" I threw at him while slapping him.

I then realized that people were already looking at us, and throwing us some strange looks and glances from the employees, but in this kind of situation, did it look like I care? I still kept screaming all sorts of things to call him, and before I knew it, I was speaking in German. Or should I say swearing in German.

Apparently, Gilbert seemed really creeped out and occasionally laughing. I asked him, forgetting to speak in English, "Was soll lachend? Wagen Sie es niche mich lustig machine!" He replied to me, in German as well, "Sie… sie rief ihn ein Schwein! Ich kann nicht lhre Wortwahl! Es enface za lusting!" The last part though, it was kinda offensive.

"Chill down!" Francis, if I remembered correctly, told me as he put a hand over my mouth, and gave the employee who was approaching our table his thousand-watt smile, and a flying kiss. The employee swooned and eventually went back to work.

What the actual hell! I was about to be raped, and they'd just forgive him for smiling at them?

Irritated, I bit his hand and once more pushed him away. Hey, I was desperate to win this fight, okay? More than anyone else. "What the hell did you do that for?!" I demanded.

He gave me a sly smile and tried to fix my bangs because they were getting in the way of my face already. I promptly swatted his hand away from my face, and of course, any part of my body.

"That's the only way I know how to make you keep quiet, mon ami," he replied, with a grin.


End file.
